Relationship

We forget that the most important thing we have to offer each other is not that I am right and you are wrong, but rather a good relationship. You remember it, and we have taught it; Jesus said, "this is my commandment that you love one another as I have loved you." 

The reality is that we will all do something that will hurt somebody's feelings. And somebody is likely going to do something that will hurt our feelings. Where there is hurt, anger typically follows. For example, friends, we can become hurt in our families when we feel misunderstood, ignored, or unloved. Likewise, we can become hurt at church when we feel unnoticed, overlooked, or unappreciated; how many have felt that way during the pandemic? So first, we get hurt, and then we get angry.

In the book of James in the Bible, in verses 1:19-20, we are given a three-fold plan to help us get along better. First, James said, "be quick to listen." This means listening to God in each and every situation. Next is to be "slow to speak." Have you ever had your comment all ready to go so that you were waiting for the other person to stop talking so that you could "set them straight?" Friends, this violates the statement, which is to be quick to listen.

Then it is time to think about what we are saying before saying it. Words can turn a good situation into a major problem in a matter of seconds. Wisdom does not always have something to say. It means thinking and speaking quietly. Friends, our mouths get us into more sin than probably any other body part. We all know that it's possible to say the right thing but say it at the wrong time. Being slow to speak means we consider the other person's condition or circumstances before responding. Otherwise, we have to say, "my mistake, I'm sorry."

The third step in the plan is to be slow to anger. Anger closes our minds to the spirit of God and God's Word. When anger comes to the forefront, the only thing we can think about it is ourselves and getting what we want. That is why James tells us that rarely does our anger lead to the righteousness of God. We do not make good decisions when we're angry because we usually do not care about the consequences of the decisions at the time we're angry. Somehow the angrier we become, the more convinced we can read what's going on in somebody else's mind.

Now is a good time to remind you of the two and ½ tribes of the twelve tribes of Israel and their up and down relationship. They were Gad, Rueben, and half of the tribe of Manasseh. Now when these 2 /1/2 tribes were under Moses's leadership, they somehow accumulated a large flock of animals. Now Moses had led the 12 tribes into a major battle with nations on the east side of the Jordan River. Keep in mind the promised land was on the west side of the Jordan River. In the battles, the nations in the east were defeated and to the victors went the land. This land was rich with fertile ground and valleys for grazing large flocks.

Moses would abandon the land because He knew the promised land was on the other side. But the leaders of Gad, Rueben, and half of Manasseh came to Moses and asked him if they could stay in the land they had conquered because it was just what they needed for their flocks. It had plenty of water as well.

Now at the time, the book of James had not been written, so Moses did not know that he was to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. So Moses immediately jumped to conclusions and tried to become psychic by reading their minds. Moses said, "don't you know if you stay behind with your warriors when there is more fighting to do for us to get the land, you will discourage the other tribes."

This incident with Moses and the 2 ½ tribes tells us that we sometimes fight battles that do not need to be fought. We see two different ways of getting to the same place. Don't take it personally that your plan was not chosen this time. If the goal is the same, and the end product is the same, then flow with the plan of others even if you had the better plan. It's called teamwork.

When Christ is at work in our lives, we think less of ourselves and more of what's best for everyone concerned in this situation. After Jesus told us to love one another, in John 15:13, he said, "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."

Each time we are willing to say, "my mistake, I'm sorry," and change our actions, we live out a little bit of this verse. These are words of repentance, which means turning and going in the opposite direction. If your behavior is not changing, you haven't truly been sorry. So Moses went from a full-scale blasting of the plan of the two and ½ tribes to giving them his full support.

Well, Moses dies, and Joshua takes over. Under Joshua, the children of God crossed over the Jordan River and began to take on the powerful nations in what was to become the promised land on the west side of the River. They run into some challenging situations, but ultimately they prevail. The land is divided up among the 10 ½ tribes.

Joshua calls Gad, Reuben, and the ½ tribe of Manasseh and tells them, "Fellows, you did a great job keeping your Word all these years. You fought bravely among your brothers. It's time for you to return home now that the war is over and celebrate with your wives and children. I give you my blessing."

One of the amazing things in life is how something can be going so well in a relationship, and out of the blue, things begin to fall to pieces. Now, as the 2 ½ tribes soldiers are marching home, when they get to the Jordan River, they build a massive altar on the west side of the River, and then they cross over to the east side of the River and have a joyous reunion with their families.

On the west side of the Jordan, some of the people of God saw this large imposing altar built by the 2 ½ tribes before they left. Word spread like wildfire that the 2 ½ tribes had forsaken God. You see, God had told the people to destroy the altars that they found in the land of Canaan. Instead, all of them were to offer sacrifices on the same altar in the land of Israel. No one was to build a separate altar for offering sacrifices.

When the people found out the 2 ½ tribes had built this altar, they jumped to conclusions. One look at the big altar, and the first thing to come to our mind is, "Oh my goodness, they have started to worship some other God. The land they went to live in is demon-possessed. They must get out of that land and come over here and be with us on the west side, or we will have to destroy them all."

They were not quick to listen, slow to speak, or slow to get angry. That got angry first, they did not even bother to talk to the 2 ½ tribes, and they said so vigorously that the nation was ready to go to war against the very people who had fought side by side with them in battle a few months earlier.

Changes in relationships can happen so quickly. When we start to question the motives of each other, things go downhill because we can no longer communicate. Love involves trusting the motives of what somebody else has done even though you may not understand it or even like it. Do you think God expects you to love every song sung in our church? I don't think so; otherwise, the Word would not have told us to bear with one another in love. But he does expect us to try to understand what God is saying to me about me in my reaction.

To be fair to the 10 ½ tribes, they were ready to fight because in past experience, when one of the twelve tribes disobeyed God, all the other 11 suffered the punishment. So they wanted to bring Gad, Reuben, and the ½ tribe of Manassah back in line, before the judgment of God hit them.

Both groups needed to have said, "My mistake, I'm sorry." They both contributed to the breakdown of the relationship. You rarely see the strains in our relationships as completely one-sided as we want to believe. We need to ask, "God, how have I contributed to this present situation, and what should I do to change

Sometimes, we will do things in life that will cause much stress and anxiety in others that we never intended. For example, we will do something and not explain to others why it is we have done them. As a result, we leave ourselves open to the misunderstandings of others. This is when we expect them to be psychic and somehow know we have good intentions.

Friends, allowing Christ to live through us involves being willing to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. In our disagreements, let us not tire of saying, I'm sorry for my part in this situation because I want us to have a good relationship." In becoming more like Christ, we find the peace in relationships that He desires for us to have.